Everyone grieves. It’s an unfortunate part of life that no one is protected against. We lose parents, partners, friends, pets, and sometimes even parts of ourselves.
However, the emotion feels slightly different for everybody. Most of the time, grief follows a predictable pattern—intense pain that gradually softens, allowing us to carry our love forward while building new meaning in life.
But sometimes, grief doesn’t follow this path. Instead of naturally healing over time, it becomes stuck, consuming, and seemingly permanent.
This is complicated grief, and it affects roughly 10 percent of bereaved individuals. If this resonates with your experience, you’re not alone—and there are ways to find your way through.
Read to explore what complicated grief is in depth and how you can navigate it healthily.
What Makes Grief Complicated
You might be thinking, “All grief is complicated.” And you’re right. Sorrow is a messy, all-consuming emotion that feels overwhelming to handle.
But the term “complicated grief” is an established concept in the mental health field, so let’s explore what professionals mean by it.
Normal grief hurts deeply, but it changes over time. You might have intense waves of sadness, anger, or yearning, but between these waves come moments of hope.
You begin to adapt to life without your loved one, creating new routines and finding meaning despite the loss.
Complicated grief operates differently. The pain remains as sharp and overwhelming as it was in those first days after the loss. These symptoms are common:
- experiencing intense yearning and longing that doesn’t fade
- feeling unable to accept the reality of the death
- avoiding reminders of your loved one or, conversely, being unable to stop seeking them out
- losing interest in previously meaningful activities or relationships
- feeling that life has no purpose without the deceased
- having difficulty moving forward with your own life
The key difference lies in the word “stuck.” Normal grief moves, however slowly and unpredictably. Complicated grief remains frozen in place, preventing the natural healing process from unfolding.
Risk Factors for Complicated Grief
Bereavement affects everybody differently, and there’s no real way to know how the experience will be for you until you live it. That said, several factors can increase the likelihood of complicated grief developing.
How the Death Occurred
The nature of the death plays a role—sudden, violent, or traumatic deaths often complicate the grieving process. When someone dies by suicide, in an accident, or from a sudden illness, the shock and lack of preparation can make acceptance particularly difficult.
Your Relationship to the Deceased
Losing someone with whom you had an intensely close or dependent relationship—or conversely, a relationship marked by unresolved conflict—can complicate grief. Parents who lose children face especially high rates of complicated grief, as this loss violates our fundamental assumptions about the natural order of life.
Your History and Situation
Personal factors contribute as well. Previous mental health challenges, a history of trauma, or inadequate social support can all make complicated grief more likely. Some people are naturally more vulnerable due to attachment styles formed early in life or genetic predispositions to depression and anxiety.
How Complicated Grief Affects Daily Life
Complicated grief doesn’t just hurt emotionally—it affects every aspect of your existence. Sleep becomes elusive or filled with dreams of the deceased.
Concentration wavers, making work or school performance suffer. Social relationships strain as friends and family struggle to understand why you haven’t moved on.
Physical symptoms often accompany the emotional pain. Headaches, digestive issues, chest tightness, and exhaustion are common. Your immune system may also weaken, leaving you vulnerable to frequent illnesses.
There’s also the isolation that comes will people making you feel like you’re not healing fast enough.
Well-meaning people might offer advice about letting go or suggest it’s time to get back out there. These comments, though intended to help, can deepen your sense of being misunderstood and alone in your pain.
You now have a good idea of what complicated grief is, but how do you navigate it? How can you actually begin to heal and come out the other side hopeful? We cover some of the best advice below.
Talk With a Therapist
By far, the best advice is to get professional support, especially if your grief has persisted for more than six months or is making you consider self-harm. A therapist can provide you with a safe space to divulge and explore your feelings, as well as offer you practical tools and resources to break unhealthy patterns and move forward with hope.
Connect With Your Support Network
On a related note, make sure to reach out to trusted friends and family. Self-isolation intensifies complicated grief, and it’s a proven fact that connection with others is crucial for healing.
This doesn’t mean forcing yourself into social situations that feel overwhelming. Instead, seek out understanding, patient people who can sit with your pain without trying to fix it.
Create Structure in Your Days
Even when your motivation disappears, maintaining basic routines provides healing stability. Start small—commit to getting dressed each morning or eating one nutritious meal daily.
Honor Your Loved One
Rather than avoiding all reminders, find healthy ways to maintain connection that don’t feel obsessive. If you help plan the funeral, consider celebration of life ideas that make you feel close to your loved one’s memory and honor their impact on your life. After the funeral, this closeness doesn’t have to fade. You can return to their favorite place or continue a tradition they valued, for example.
Practice Self-Compassion
Complicated grief isn’t a sign of weakness or failure. Your brain and heart are struggling to process an overwhelming experience. Treat yourself with the same kindness you’d offer a dear friend facing similar challenges.
Set Boundaries
You don’t owe anyone explanations for your grieving timeline. It’s okay to decline social invitations, leave stressful situations, or ask friends to avoid certain topics.
Moving Forward While Holding Love
It’s never easy to cope with loss, and complicated grief makes it even harder. But it’s important to remember that healing from complicated grief doesn’t mean forgetting your loved one or “getting over” their death.
Instead, it means learning to carry your love in ways that support rather than impair your own life. You probably won’t ever stop missing them, but love and loss can coexist within a meaningful life.
Recovery takes time, patience, and often professional guidance. But it is possible to find your way from the stuck place of complicated grief into a life that honors both your loved one’s memory and your own need to heal and grow.
Your grief reflects the depth of your love. With proper support and gentle persistence, that love can become a source of strength rather than persistent anguish, allowing you to move forward while keeping your cherished person forever close to your heart.
